Chapter 1
My life had become dull and lifeless.. Missing him was the only thing I knew.
I looked beside me.
I could see him..Smiling..Laughing and slowly moving to his knees and addressing me as the love of his life… I could see me as well..
Refusing with hatred and walking out of this very own rose park… I imagined the scenes after I left him..
I could see his face bury with shame and tears..
I could feel the commotion, the burn he felt..
I closed my eyes and tears rolled down my warm cheeks..
I reopened them..numerous tears landed on my neck streaming from my cheeks..
I looked at my right on the green bench..I was All alone..
I took a deep breath..
it was winter season.. I sat on a bench in the rose park
Millions and thousands of roses bloomed and faces filled with delight except my own face for the obvious reason u see…
all the roses bloomed except my rose.. I opened my book “The pride and the prejudice ”,his favorite book and took out the dried rose I kept in it..
it was his rose..he left it for me with the note of forgiveness and love.. I stood up and walked back to my home.
I had no friends now as I didn’t deserve any and no family of my own as my parents died in a car accident when I was 8 ..
i lived with my Aunt but I had left her 2 years ago after he left me.. these years I worked in my Bhaiya’s office. the very place he worked to earn money for his unwell mother , but it made the pain worse so I decided a week ago that I would leave the job for good .
I searched for a new job the whole week and stumbled upon a college lecturer’s post in a highly admired college.
off course had no intention of making money or respect but my brother always wanted me to have a good job for myself and he had himself helped me yearn it.. but he knew none of the deeds I had done with my angel and not the actual reason for the leaving a high post seat of his office.
I glanced at the clock as I came inside my house..
7.35PM..it showed.
I wasn’t much hungry .. i never really am anymore so I marched down to my bedroom .
i jumped up on my bed and laid down still wearing my shoes
I pressed my hands to my forehead which aced badly pulled on a sheet and turned of the lights. i thought of sleeping but sleep depriveness was usual these days thus I stared blankly at my walls and his memories lured me into sleep by an hour or so later.
i woke up in the morning by 7.30 AM and slipped out of my bed..
i took out a sky blue suit to wear ..the kind I wore everyday as he loved to see me in traditional clothes and headed towards the bathroom..
after 30 minutes of human moments in the washroom I got down for breakfast which was always a glass of white milk..
i got out of the house by 8.30 AM.I arrived at the college premises in 30 more minutes that is by 9.00 AM.I read the board on the gate ,
it was blue in color and curved in shape. Northfields it read .
I entered the college ,I saw students in every corner playing with each other . it reminded me of us how we had fun in our college premises and how he used to help me bunk classes and retrieve class work afterwards .
I tried to push way those thoughts and entered the college building..
it was painted sunny yellow and sky blue
i took a few lefts and rights and stumbled upon a door with a shiny plate that held the letters “The Detention Room”. It again pushed forward more thoughts of our life together . which I again had to strive hard to push aside.
A student passed by me..
i looked at him..he seemed lost as well .
he had 3 batches on his shirt which forced me to guess that he was well accomplished and sincere student . Not knowing any other way of reaching the principal’s office I hurriedly walked to reach him and patted his shoulder,
Excuse me
he turned around slowly.
I could clearly see the sogginess on his face. he looked as defeated as I was .
Yes Ma’am how can I help ?
Where can I find the principal’s office
I asked with a shaky voice
in the end of this passage turn right and go up the steps u will find the principal’s door on first left.
Do u mind leaving me there
he agreed with a nod..
we walked silently till the end and took a right while climbing up the steps he asked if I was a new student
Teacher I replied to which he shied down the rest of the walk was silent .
In front of the principal’s door we stood when I asked him his name and class and told him how brilliant he was as he had those three batches on his name. Rehan Juneja Commerce 12th.
He replied. He thanked me for appreciation and left me with a farewell and a “Hope to meet u soon” . I pushed open the wooden door to find an old age man sitting on the desk and as I hoped by the description Bhaiya gave me.. Good morning miss..come in..Accounts Professor 2nd year post..aren’t u..??
he greeted me as I walked in. I replied in a sincere nod as he studied me with great vigil.
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I walked up the steps to reach my class as told to me by a staff teacher
This floor was painted a calm green.
I looked here and there in search of the class I had to teach in when i stood in front of a door which’s top board read 12th D.
I opened the door with an almost soundless creak.
Inside was a jumping zoo full of animal like students. only 4 students were in place.
Upon seeing me all of them rushed into place and wished me a good morning lazily.
What’s so good in this morning I thought.
Those 4 didn’t bother to wish me and so I also decided to leave them unnoticed.
I decided to not mention my name to that as it would hardly matter and addressing me as Ma’am would be well enough for me.
I wrote page 87 on the board and Introductory microeconomics , the book to be followed by them.
after 30 minutes of reading and explanations I started to ask them random questions row wise.
It was the turn of a boy sitting in the last row . he didn’t stand up . his friends called his name to which he didn’t respond. it was upon shaking that he stood up.
I enquired his name to which he replied Neev.
I asked the question and he replied to it a semi second. His answer was correct and not only correct but very expressive too. He sat down after begging for apology
The class ended in another 15 minutes a total of 45 minutes . and I walked out and headed towards m next class.
It was the 5th division that I got free so I headed towards the staff room. I sat down and drank some water. the other teachers were gossiping and checking notebooks.
i got bored and stepped out o the staff room without my stuff as I got out I bumped with a student.
She fell down and got up instantly apologized and left. I recognized her as one of the 4 students in 12th D or C as I recalled. I saw her walk till the end and bump again with someone else.
I walked out of college by four forty five PM..
i left my things at my home and walked back to the rose park..
i walked around a bit and sat on the bench again.
Thoughts of despair filled my head again at once. He came to my mind again. I closed me eyes and found his light green eyes and perfect face looking at me .
tears rolled down and burned my cheeks.
i lightly felt a hand on my shoulder,
my imagination was calming me down I guess.
It was not until a few minutes that I realized someone was shaking me. I opened my eyes to find rehan standing beside me. He came and sat on my right side.
U are our accounts professor..right ma’am..?? I forgot your name . I apologise .i had loads of work to ---
Anjali I cut him off.
Rehan didn’t seem much of a liar but a diplomat instead . he didn’t tell me that I didn’t mention my name or he didn’t catch it.
Oh yes..right Anjali Ma’am.. he smiled and I started looking forward again. There was a grave silence between us for a few moments
Ma’am could u please give me today’s notes ..?? I actually lost them and none of my friends are available to provide me with them.
I silently handed him the notes .
Well ill see u in school then. Bye Anjali Ma’am .
I don’t know what actually crossed my mind that I said
Please call me Anjali Rehan..i like it that way.and don’t say bye I hate that word see you is better instead. ^
Yes Ma’am..Ummm Anjali Di..See you he smiled.
See you Rehan . I stood up and left
12th D . I stood upon the door once again and as everyday in the past week everyone had rushed to place and the 4 non responsive students and been almost cured .
Rehan was mostly on the first seat in my period and he would cheerfully smile . I never had enough happiness to smile but I always looked at him and nodded to tell him I had seen his pleasant smile.
By now I learnt few names of the class ,Rehan , Neev and 8 or 9 more students .
Teaching took most of my mind while the periods and it helped to avoid the dark rain clouds that were always on my mind. But the college students their pranks the detention room the field would all remind me of him and his cuteness.
The teachers used to hover every time I came in and think how weird I was to not even pass a smile.
I always kept his rose with me . Everyday I would walk to the park after college to see blooming flowers and sometimes Rehan.
He grew fond of me and invited me to his house but I used to refuse every time.
he would gladly accept just like my angel used to but I could see his inside tearing bit by bit by responses.
A night before the 12th F.A a sudden knock took charge on my door. I was about to have a sleeping drug intake or sleepiness as obvious as it was by name but I had to leave the pills to answer the door as the banging grew. I was surprised to find Rehan outside with his textbook.
M sorry Anjali Di , I didn’t want to disturb you at this hour but I have an F.A tomorrow and 3 topics are still unclear . ^
What do u do in the class i asked with a frown ,
I - - I – I am not able to study properly during the class.
His head hung low thus I decided to let this one pass..for now. I seated him inside and got two cup of coffees just like my angel preferred while studying , he opened his textbook and studied for the next two hours.
We took a break by 11.00 PM after 1 and half concept was finished and sealed.
I took the coffee mugs to refresh them when he asked me a question
Anjali Di , Whose picture is that with u , your looking really good with him..^
My brother I answered Looking at the picture he pointed to. It was me and my love not my brother.
But - - -
he didn’t complete his sentence for he knew I didn’t want to disclose the personality although I knew that he could well enough differentiate between the gleam of eyes of a boy with his sister to that of a boy with his Soul mate.
A good friend indeed or a book-like friend as my love referred to any friend who would never ask anything in return.
I threw the coffee mug hard against the wall in anger. Had Rehan spoke another word I would have smashed the hold threshold.
He timidly picked up the glass pieces and delivered them to the dustbin.
Upon his returning his face was bubbling with words , his mouth didn’t have to speak , his eyes told me everything , he would complain on all his giving and the disappointments I gave him.
He started with a little jerk .. I had never seen him as such fuzzy and tempered but I knew it was not his fault .
I heated up the matter because he mentioned how I lied to him on every word and that I didn’t smile ever neither did I tell him about the guy of the picture who he could clearly see was my life.
Anjali Di..Who do u think I am..just a mere student..no I am not I try so much for u..
i can see u have made mistakes in your life which whizz around your head but that doesn’t mean that u will never smile. you always think there is a problem with me that I don’t study in class , well I do have a reason and I do would share it with u someday not like u who would willingly to me. All the students make fun of u .. they say u are a dead zombie who doesn’t know how to smile. your house is so dull and I have seen all the drugs lying in your house. I don’t demand the reason at immediate but I would like to know why u can move a few muscles for your stupid friend who smiles like idiots in grave sorrows to see u a bit happy ? ^
Why do I need to smile Rehan.. Cant u leave me alone..my life is what I deserve ..u don’t need to poke youur nose into it..who are u to make me smile..??
I realized after a few seconds what all I had said..
the same excruciating words I said to my love ; my life ..
and I knew how hard Rehan tried to make me happy but it wasn’t enough ..
i just needed to tell him that but this was too much I think..it took me minutes to clear the dust o thoughts from my mind and by that time Rehan had reached the door.
I had once let someone out of my life the same way and I regret it till now..it wasn’t to happen again so I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside..i spoke a word or two of apology when he silently whispered something
Its Anya..I cant study because of her..
Chapter 2
11th March..it was 11th March that fateful day that I decided I would tell Anya everything..i would pour my heart to her..It wouldn’t be much of a job or me..as I was really the king of love..flirt and buttering rather than love actually. I had already thought of lines. Some Shakespeare would be best for she loved Love stories and Romeo and Juliet mostly. I was Rehan , The flirtatious , coolest , hottest and smartest Rehan Juneja. My other half was Anya..The Shyest , the smartest , the simplest and the most beautiful.. Anya,..I knew her since 9th grade when she joined this school..i fell in the magic of love in the second semester of 10 th..and I decided to propose her on 11th March..a week after 10th final exams. In the past semester I had tried my best to impress Anya by writing stylish poems to her..By the name of secret admirer which I would be disclosing today..i had often visited near her home just to wave her and I had always helped others in front of her..She had to be impressed the slightest bit..I mean who wasn’t impressed by me..I was Rehan..the master of hearts..I was - - - - back to the point..So I had expected her to be fully impressed by me by now..My plan was difficult really difficult..chances of working were really less according to my less IQ friends..but it would be dangerous as she had a Khali-like elder brothers to beat us up. The only guy who supported me was my best friend , Sushant..he was the second coolest dude..after me that is..he was like a brother to me..So..The plan was difficult but I loved Anya and that was all that mattered according to Sushant. The plan was that me and sushant would go to Payal , Anya’s best friend and convince her to call Anya to “The right Place café “ in the evening by 5.00 PM…Me and Sushant would make adequate excuses to our families and leave for the café..The rest dialogues and all would be up to me..I would propose her and she would accept …the rest of the plan incase of any disturbances or problems was what I didn’t hear from Sushant..
i was too happy to listen ..I jumped up and down so much that Sushant’s bed had almost broke down. I just knew..me and Sushant had the plan ready now..and she would accept me and my love and everything would be perfect..she would be mine now.
It was raining outside when me and Sushant called Navya out of her class and down to the art room . Bhagat , the art teacher's assistant and also my younger brother had got the keys of the art room and after Navya, Sushant and i had gone inside , he locked it and would open it on receiving a call from Sushant. Navya was told that the art teacher had called her and upon seeing that no art teacher was around and Bhagat locking the door she thought of screaming as unpleasant and negative thoughts whizzed her mind. Sushant acted fast and caught hold of Navya by her waist and put his hand on her mouth , the sight of seeing Sushant press Navya against him deserved a whistle but i controlled my emotions and only winked at them. it was my turn to speak but my throat stopped working as my mind started to work on imagining horrors of all kinds : refusal , denial ,betrayal , being beaten up and further a long list. speaking about Anya was something i had never done. i never spoke the beautiful feelings in mind for Anya to anyone but Sushant who was like my other half , in a brother to brother way. Sushant gestured me to hold Navya back when he saw my face freeze. we exchanged our positions and Sushant revealed everything to her , i let go of Navya after few minutes when she seemed calm enough to listen. Sushant was always relaxed around Navya , dreamy actually. I always noticed and sometimes thought that my best friend had a crush on Navya. Sushant took only 15 minutes to explain everything to Navya , from my love to my feelings to my decency to my class mark sheet to my pleading. She told us to wait as she thought over it. i wondered what if she refused , my dreams and hopes would be shattered alongside refusal . i nudged sushant in fear and he replied calmly that it would all work out. sushant wanted to become a mad physiotherapist when he grew up , not mad but that was what i used to draw from physiological studies. but in reality he did have great comforting skills. he was actually the best pal someone could have , i would have surely hugged him if navya was not there at the moment , he was so helpful all along. She looked at us now and straightened herself a bit. my heart was in my mouth by the time she replied , i recall the exact lines " Jiju..It wont be possible " she said and gave a huge smile. Sushant also jumped in excitement. What an idiot i was ..i didn’t understand what she meant , i took it as a refusal..Seeing me sadden down Navya stared at sushant who was nodding vigorously and pushed navya towards me , “ I called u jiju u dumbo “ she said and hugged me tightly. I understood that moment and I felt the world revolve around me..i had accomplished the first stage..i went and hugged Sushant as well , I could swear I saw Sushant’s eye twitch when I told him to call Bhagat and didn’t let him hug Navya . But it didn’t matter at that time..My angel would be with me and that was all I cared for.
I wore my white lined shirt a silk tie and jeans..i t took me half an hour and lots of jell to style my hair in a casual look..i took a red rose with me. Sushant arrived in 10 minutes after I got ready..we discussed the plan we made while having my mum’s handmade Dhoklas. I was literally acting like a girl . checking myself in the mirror every 5 to 10 minutes. I even asked Sushant if my contacts were okay. He laughed at my pity sight. He looked very royal today. A traditional Indian kurta and jeans . hair all in place and a genuine smile. He looked even better than me. We told mum that we were going to a party at Bhagat’s place, who had called and confirmed it to my mom.
I strolled outside my house as Sushant confirmed that he would take care of me properly. We walked out of my house and I turned on the engine of my scooty. He sat behind me and soon we were talking to the winds.
We reached the café surprisingly on time. Navya and Anya were walking there with frantic steps , my angel wore a green top and long skirt and had left her beautiful hair open. My mouth opened in reflex and I closed it the moment I found out it was open , to avoid the staring I turned to my side to see a new view. Sushant was staring Navya with the same intense expression as mine when I stared Anya. I nudged him and he instantly looked at my side as if he knew I had seen nothing ,bloody fool. i thought I wood ask him later and moved towards the girls with him. Silence intervened between the four of us. Navya acted or rather overacted that she knew nothing of our arrival and I could sense from Anya’s eyes that she was actually surprised to see me but her face held a calm expression. In nervousness Navya started introducing us like it was the first time we met , revealing some problem . “what happened guys “ enquired Anya. No one spoke. “ rehan tell me what happened” I stood still as she took hold of my arm and seeing me blush left it. Navya silently moved on and tugged at sushant’s kurta to indicate to leave with him. This was my moment I realized , and once again words failed to come out of my hopeless mouth. I had taken all situations in my mind before coming , and being this a all time problem I had prepared a beautiful poem for her. I slid my hand in my pocket and took it out for her and handed it over. She looked puzzled and took it and started reading. My heard started to pound inside my chest , I could feel the hard throbbing in my mouth. She whispered something under her breath , “ what “ I asked she whispered again and I was unable to catch it . “ what” “ I love u” she said this time loudly and a little angry. I kissed her on her nose which had turned red with embarrassment and anger. I called sushant on his number and asked him to come back. We celebrated my victory in the café , as I looked into Anya’s eyes I thought , she was no longer Anya now she was my Anya and I smiled what was a smile o relief.
My days seemed like heaven now with Anya with me. i had got her number and would call or text upon will. One day as we were sitting in a rose park she looked at me with teary eyes I could see “ never leave me..our relation is a forever thing not a get bored so leave ..right…” she meeked weakly. “ I promise to abide by u forever I told her “ and she showed me a beautiful smile , if not people there I would have kissed her that instant.
We led a happy lie for 1.5 months , we would never fight , and talk to each other whenever possible , I had nothing else left to obtain in life when one day an incident took place that changed my life. That night she had a camp to school with her friends she was too return by 6.00 am. She promised to call me at 6.00 as soon as possible . I had got up 5.45 waiting for her call. 5.45 --- 6.00 – 6.30 – 7.00 . Anya was never late she always called me on time. I called her but someone cut the call. It thought she was in danger and called again but the cell was switched of. I thought of going to her house but mum wouldn’t let me today that too in the morning at 7.00. I got really tensed and kept calling. At 8.00 the bell went and i gulped a little air o relief. But upon hearing someone else’s voice fear crept into my mind. But I realized it was only Radhika aunty that is Anya’s mother. She very sweetly said that Anya had gone to take a bath. She then added that Anya was throwing a party tonight and I was invited. I should have smelled something fishy but i happily agreed. I got ready by 7.00 with a loose shirt and low waist jeans, gelled up hair and a big wrist watch. i rode my scooty up to her home and went inside with delight. I had always let sushant know my plans but today I forgot to tell even him . I went up the lit to Anya’s home on the 4th floor. I whistled up to her door and rang the bell . Radhika auntie had opened the door and she held Anya’s phone in her hand. “ I have got your number and message saved “ she said in a strict tone. “ what “ I asked and felt the alarm on my face. “yes, and now I will talk to your mother and the principal..i will not leave u so easily..i am strict in all these matters.” I felt my eyes getting heavy and then came a 30- minute round of begging and pleading. She finally agreed to not tell anyone and let me go.. “ beta , this is not your age..get good marks study hard make your career “ she said , which reminded me how Anya used to tell me to study hard every time . “then think about all this. Not now beta..i will be happiest if u get good marks..u are like my son.” And this was the first time I felt she was like a mother..and she was correct.
The next few weeks were havoc..Anya ignored me as far as possible and when talking to me rarely paid attention. I used to cry at nights like devdas and drink lots of coke as beer was out of reach. Whenever I asked Anya about what happened and whether se was breaking up she used to say that she would tell me later causing me more pain and distress.
It was a day before the janmashtami break that I confronted and cornered her. I enquired her everything.” I will call u rehan..i will call u..i promise and Ill tell u everything then..” she said , wished me a happy janmashtmi to which I asked why so early as we had to talk over the phone like she promised. “I don’t know whether before Janmashtami or after “ she said and hurriedly left , left me , unanswerable. I didn’t sleep all of those days waiting for her call. And at Janmashtmi evening I messaged her a Happy Janmashtami. Actually in a formal way to which I got a reply. I jumped in delight later to see the message was :
“jnmashtmi ke din joote khaoge..?? aage se mssg mat karna.”i could have sweared she hadn’t sent it. All these short forms were either Radhika aunty or her watch dog brother Brijesh. I was really sick of waiting for the call when on 5th July night I got her called.
Anya..Tell me what happened..All well na..Are u breaking up..??
No Rehan m not breaking up..i still like u a lot..
thank god angel I was so tensed..
Hmmm..i know…What I wanted to tell u was that a lot has been going on since we were caught.mum and dad are checking each bit of paper the can lay their hands on and Brijesh is on a constant watch.
Yes Anya ..So what..?? the point..??
I would have loved to continue Rehan but ----
I cut her off..Any other option..
rehan no..there’s none..i still like u but I promised my mum that I would become her old Anya and never lie to her again. Please rehan understand..
U keep your promise..i’ll keep mine..
What promise..??
I promised a girl that I would never leave her and always abide by her..and I will..i am sure I am yours but I dont know about u..?? But I will wait forever Anya..
Ok fine..I have to go ..Bye..
For a moment I thought she was crying but then i realized ..the wetness the teary feeling was my own..tears and crawled out of my eyes.
I love you my angel..Good night. But all I could hear was the sound of the ring.
I was heartbroken..and I didn’t know what crossed my mind and I got up and took out my textbook “M.L Khanna Mathematics”..i now did something I had not done the whole year..i started studying..F*ck u M.L Khanna..
That is why I am what I am today..A student..A sincere student..
Two months later..
3 months later..on the 11th of march..i got a phone call..i was busy studying as usual when I got the call. “Hello” spoke the loveliest voice I had ever heard..
”hello” I replied with no drastic change on my voice.
“Rehan..forgive me rehan..please forgive me..”
“what”
“Rehan..dont tell me you have got a gf now..or u like someone please rehan please..” I could hear the teary voice..this time surely hers.
“ No..I dnt have a gf..”
“ u kept waiting.Oh you kept waiting” I felt her smiling..i kept silent..
“ Rehan..I love you..”
“ I love u too “ She felt joy..
“Ohh My Angel I love u so much..All well na now..?? We’re again each others na.>??”
“No Anya No..” I said strictly “ Anya..I will not be going for relationships now..i am a new man and I have respect. I do love you and always will but no..Not a relationship.”
I heard her broke and I disconnected the call that instant as I knew her crying would make me melt down..
From then onwards , I never ever talked to anya..months went by but we never talked..
I miss her so much and regret my foolishness but I don’t have strength or shame to face her now.
I was near to tears when Rehan finished his story. I had grown emotional in all these affairs but unlike
Rehan i had no mercy for Anya. I noticed Rehan taking slow sobs and tried to comfort him. He pushed away my hand. And then gently asked me for a paper and a pencil. with the required supplies by his side he
started to sketch." a great artist he can be on will" i had hear and today saw the magic and magnificence myself.
He drew a beautiful face. One without any lines or marks , Anya it was i guessed and recognized her as the girl who had bumped into me before.
I examined the sketch carefully, taking in every little detail.I could see how Rehan had poured his love to the image. The eyes the most attracting but filled with pain not of anya’s but his own that reflected. I looked up at him , at his eyes to be precise it reminded me of my misery and i trembled in fear again. And in a sudden i felt my house drifting away and in front of my eyes stood my angel ; my miracle , my soul , my other half. I didn’t realize when tears slipped from my eyes..rather my heart.
I felt Rehan dabbing my eyes. i slowly came to my senses and wiped away my tears.
The class huddled in front of me as the bell rang. Tuesday it was when the class had break just after my period. Rehan was absent today an i was a bit dull as well when i heard rattling and found Anya shuffling all her books and her bag. At first i decided to walk away but then i decided to help.
What happened Anya i asked in a dull tone . she looked up with teary eyes. Nthng she answered in a teary voice and got up suddenly and ran away. Her books were all on the floor and i decided to assemble them. so i picked up the books and kept them on her table in a proper manner. I went back to the teachers table , i had left my glasses , when i saw a notebook flipped open on the ground.
I picked it up , it was not a school notebook and had no name on the cover. i opened the first page to see a few photographs.
Anya it was , in a slightly younger age with a huge grin , other Photos were of A girl with her , good friend she seemed and another photo of a girl , glamorous this one seemed. One of sushant , one of Neev, and another photo which after seeing , i held it in shock. It was of Rehan.
Anya was scribbled across the first page each in different ways. I opened another page to see it was her diary. I thought of keeping it back but then i felt a sudden urge of reading it and i took it along .' “reading someone's diary is a mistake" people say but this one was a must read to me “
Chapter 3
I thought as i walked along the pavement , that i would give the diary i held to Rehan..It would answer all his questions and give him strength to live, something i would never get.
But as i reached home and curled up in my bed with a heavy blanket. i felt an urge to open it and read it. I opened the first page , the photos slipped out.
i noticed a photo , one which i hadn’t before All six were there, opposite yet made for each other. Anya was
there , smartest yet beautiful to the extreme. Another Girl on her side very glamorous and pouty yet well adjusted to the other girl on her side who was rather sporty and fun loving, and three boys adding into the picture. All three very attractive yet very happy and down to earth. The picture was so clear it made me feel as if i were somewhere nearby and saw it from my own eyes while it was being clicked. I read it from the starting ,somewhere between 9th grade's second semester. She had written every detail she felt was important. The girls, i realized , Were her best friends Navya or Navy , the sporty and Simrita or Sim , The glamorous.
The boys were her best friends as well Rehan, Sushant and Neev. I read it all absorbing everything in , a well writer she was , I noticed. I took a break when the dated paged reached 11th May.
I closed my eyes and drained all her thoughts , digested them actually and then continued reading. She wrote everything as same as Rehan had wrote , the feelings of both were absolutely same but she was more detailed in speech. In between there were tales about Sushant who had proposed Navya the day Rehan had , 11th May..
And they were also together. I read and read till the date reached 27th June the day anya and rehan were caught.
27th June 9.48 PM
Mum found out everything today. I ruined everything . MY fear has come true. She called Rehan too , I could see him almost crying .. How much trouble he might have faced. I just hope he forgives me. I really want to talk to him m really deserate but what to do..How should I call when Brijesh is keeping an eye on me everyminute. I have nothing left rather than crying myself to sleep. I miss u Ritzy so much..Forgive me..
And the rest of the page was filled with what could only be wet tear marks. I read further and further , as she posed her awful life in sentences but they could not possess her pain either .. Reason whatsoever be .. She was suffering as I was… Brijesh was keeping guard , her mother searching everything she could lay hands on.. And Saddest part of all..Rehan was not with her. Then came the page with the date 3rd July.
3rd july 2011 10:43 Pm
It all ended today.. I would never forgice my mother. I really wanted to talk to Rehan and seeing the coast clear I pulled the receiver and dialed his number with trembling hands. I waited for my Ritzy to speak.
Anya..Tell me what happened..All well na..Are u breaking up..??
No Rehan m not breaking up..i still like u a lot..
thank god angel I was so tensed..
And I suddenly became aware of what was happening. My mum held the connected receiver downstairs waiting for me to finish. And I had to act to Rehan once again.
Hmmm..i know…What I wanted to tell u was that a lot has been going on since we were caught.mum and dad are checking each bit of paper the can lay their hands on and Birjesh is on a constant watch.
Yes Anya ..So what..?? the point..??
I would have loved to continue Rehan but ----
Any other option..
rehan no..theres none..i still like u but I prmised my mum that I would become her old Anya and neverlie to her again. Please rehan understand..
I undertand..
Promise me rehan if u get another ofer ( for gf ) u will accept it..
What..?? What do uthink..all I did..all u suffered wasfor nothing..?? I will not let any moment go waste..
What..rehan what are u saying..
U keep ur promise..i’ll keep mine..
What promise..??
I promised a girl that iwould never leaveher and always abide by her..and I will..i am sure I am yours but I dnt know about u..?? But I will wait forever Anya..
Ok fine..I have to go ..Bye..
And tears slipped from my eyes. I had ruin everything..But I would apologise as soon as I got chance..i just hope Ritzy accepts me. When I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown I heard something. A soft whisper That Rehan spoke,
I love you my angel..Good night
I thought of nothing..Just nothing and replied I love u too but all I could hear was the sound of the dead phone ..My mother cut off the line..I locked my room and cried hard till the end of the night and I am still crying and my tears shall finish but not the pain in my heart.
And just as happened at the end of Rehan’s story ..I started crying at the end of this page. I stared blankly at my walls and a gush of warm wind surrounded me gently. MY Angel wanted to hold me I guess. So I wiped my tears and read on. She described how empty she felt without Rehan and how she everyday wanted to run away. How she used to cry at sleepless nights and she was filled with despair..
Anya and Rehan were now apart but Sushant and Navya were still together. Navya would try to motivate Anya but with no use. Anya had mentioned on almost every page how she wished she had a life like Navya who still had everything together. And then when the date changed to 11th August it was not Anya who wrote. On the top of the page Curse you Anya was scribbled.
Curse you Anya..!!!!!!!!@@!!!
Its over ..its all over our friendship , my relationship and my life..U ruined it all u dumbstruck fool. I am sure Navya will never talk to you either , nor will i. I thought rehan was a fool to not accept u back but he was right..u deserve this only u bobblehead witch. The first thing u would want to know will be what u did. So listen .. listen carefully… Regret your sins.
Remember the day u came to my house after the tomato festival we had just played..?? Remember u were playing with me and I lifted u up in revenge. Remember u hugged me in fun. Navya was there..did u have Viagra with those tomatoes..?? She cried she left me dumped me. I apologized so much but she wouldn’t listen. Its all your fault. My life is ruined. You know she was the only thing I owned. And u know what ..?? I figured it all out..u did this on purpose..so that Me and Navya would also be unhappy because u couldn’t bear the loneliness when we were happy. U did this all on purpose dint u..?? Its over Anya. Never never never ever talk to me or Navya again.
- Sushant.
And then again the rest of the page was dotted with tears which I couldn’t guess were whether Sushants or Anyas.
I turned the page to find 3 different hand writing that wrote a message for Anya.
You broke my relationship on purpose anya.. Well I cant be ur friend anymore
- Sushant
Anya..U were like my sis. I don’t care about what Sushant said. But if u and Sushant were in love , toh ek baar batana chahiye tha. I would have Let u Have him. But U lied. I am going from ur life.
- Navya.
Anya, I do still love you, but this new man needs respect. I still don’t believe what u did with Navy and Sush. Please Don’t change ever always stay the same. Be Happy..And Stay Safe.
- Ritzy.
Anya must have broken to pieces after reading this.
I turned the page to find Anya’s handwriting.
13th August 2011 11.23 PM
It was Tomatino festival. We were all there. Me , Sush, Sim , N.E (Neev) and Ritzy.Navy had gone out for some basketball tournament to Bathinda.
For once we forgot everything just to enjoy our favourite festival.We threw tomatoes at each other on this funfilled day.
We played the whole day.Lots and lots of fun and tomatoes. But I could clearly see in Sush’s eyes that he was missing his darling Navya.So I told everyone to play specially with Sush. But Ritzy was also sad , I guessed because I was there. So I told everyone to play with him instead while I interacted with Sushant. So the festival went on and on as the night grew over.At around 7.30 we stopped and went to the garden and had a great shower from the pipe. I had hidden a few tomatoes but all fell except one so when we were wahed amd headed inside I thre the tomato in Sush’s hair and crumpled it into his roots.In revenge he picked me up in his arms and started playing and we laughed and laughed and when we got inside there was a dreadful silence as Navy was sitting on the couch glaring at Sush. He put me down and I laughed. I thought she was just pretending so I laughed and went to take bath. I came outside to find everyone laughing. We had our dinner , Every one spoke but Sush. I thought he was chilled with fear. I never knew this all had happened. That Navy broke up. I apologized but. Oh ! no one is listening.
And yet another wave of tears.
I shut the book closed and inhaled a deep sense of breath. This was all for today .. I needed time for it to digest. I don’t know how but today it took me only a matter of five mins to fall asleep.
Chapter 4
I walked down the podium and out of the class after the lecture had been over. I still had Anya’s diary in my bag but I was unsure of what I had to do of it. Return it or give it to rehan. So I just kept it in my bag .
These days I had discovered a new place in the school. Behind the amphitheatre of the school was a path which lead to an auditorium which onlyfew people knew about and even fewer visited. I would make my way up to that place during my free periods. And this being one , I walked down to the place. I silently satdown on one of the back row seats and closed my eyes in the peaceful atmosphere. I started humming to myself , a tune which I often caught myself singing , I never knew what it was but it just came to my mouth .
Mujhko meri sazatoh suna ja
Vo aahein..Haan vo aansu
Mere hiss eke mujhko rula ja..
Sapne..Tere saare
Jinmein mein rehti thi..
Tukde banke mere zakhm seene mein kar gaye ..
Oohh.. “
And tears crept out of my eyes again as thoughts of him slept into my mind.
I took deep breaths..visvualizing him when I heard slow sobs from not far away. I wasn’t temted to check on who it was so I kept sitting there with tears flowing out of my eyes .. thinking of him..my angel..my love my life..another tune slipped from my mouth.
“Maine mere Jana..
Ab hai jana..
Ishq tera..Dard tera..
Haye..
Maine mere jana..
Ab hai jana..
Ishq tera..Dard tera ..
Tu jo --- “
And then I heard a scream..A terrible one..Not as terrible as once I had shouted but terrible enough to send a chill shivering down my spines. I jumped up and looked around every corner. Half - expecting a ghost when I saw there a girl sat with blood pouring out of her lower left limb..
What happened..Do u want to go to the clinic..??I wasn’t the helpful ones really but she was really hurt.
She shook her head and I saw tears run out of her eyes.
Hurt..She was hurt..But mentally…Not physically as much mentally. U really should go to the clinic..Thats a lot of blood u know.Ill help u.She shook her head again.This time looking scared.Listen to me. U need a bandage. I said trying hard not to shout. I stood there towering her as she cried on she started again with the box cuttwer she had in hand to cut her model – like leg.
I breathed down..I had stiff shoulders all this time.She saw this gesture and whispered in a broken voice.Have u ever had mental pain..??
A broken heart..??
This does not hurt me..Because it is nothing to compare to the pain I suffer.
All this is to hide the real pain.And that was it. She was just like me. In the journey of life I had suddenly found so many people like me. Heartless , broken, shattered. I felt a sting need of helping them bringing them together of telling them they didn’t need to be apart for this was their last chance. To tell them that they needn’t not be afraid of strict parents.
And Suddenly everything blurred to darkness. I could barely see anything and after a while touch alsodeceived me all I heard was a slow thud and the next moment I opened my eyes.
I welt wet and uneasy , something pulling tightly around my neck. I coughed twice and then my blurred vision cleared. I was wet . atleast the top of me , my head , shoulders and neck were wet and I was tightly wrapped in my red dupatta. I tugged at it twice to make its hold a little loose .
Simrita stood infront of me. I think I can trust u enough she said. Ur bag fell down with youand I ---- her voice trailed of as she raised the diary in her hand.
I was puzzled , tell her the truth or lie..?? Ask her or look down..?? Say something or keep shut..?? But she answered my queries.
I can tell you..Everything..I also need a ear to listen and I think u are quite earnest to know.
I nodded a frank nod.
We were all in class 10th and we were the best of friends..the ruling party of the 10th all sections – Sim ,N.E, Sush , Navy , Ritzy and Any.
We were the six , the best .
We all were different .
I was into glamour.
N.E was into Poetry.
Sush was into Music.
Navy into sports.
Ritzy into Basketball.
Any into studies.
But still , we were a group. See this photo , all six of us together..We had so much fun back then. With no bothering , nothing to hurt like love , all friendship but these boys , fools they were , ruined everything b falling in love. Hehehe.. Ritzy proposed Any on 11th May , Sush proposed Navy on 11th May and N.E proposed me on 11th May.
Me and N.E were the ones who were mostly apart from the group. We had to much in each other to look at the others. But we got the news of Ritzy and Any’s breakup on time. Navy and Sush didn’t knew them as much as we did. Because I knew Any before she joined the school. I really wanted to visit her but she was inlike jail. Neev tried his best to persuade Ritzy but he wouldn’t listen either , and then came the Tomatino festival. No one new about Sush and Navy till the very end. Me and N.E were both frightened. We didn’t want to separate like the others and this time we kept a distance on purpose.
We loved each other so much..Maybe even more than Romeo and Juliet. Everymorning N.E would come to take me to school and drop me at evening and come every night for a little walk and talk. He used to take me to all movies , listen to all my demands , Dinners , dates ,parties..Everything he did for me.. He was in the commerce bacth like all the others but I was from a different batch.
I neverwanted to study all this engineering and all , I wanted to become a model from the start. I had taken PCM , But I would become a Model , a successful one. N.E knew this but never really appreciated my desire and that was the reason for the few fights we had. N.E was all introvert. Never apologized .It was me who always had to do that. Hehehe..How much fun we had together.
it was 11th January night , 2 A.M me and N.E were watching a movie at my house.. “ Kambaqt Ishq”.
“I guess all Simritas are supposed to be models aren’t they..??”
I flashed my beautiful smile at N.E.
“NO theres nothing like that..U don’t need to be a model sweetheart. Uve taken PCM ,Do Bba course..Itll be good for you.”
“Not at all..!! Ill become a model , reach for the sky , ill..ill be the bestest of the best.”
“ Sim..Thats not possible we’re planning to get married..So you cant be a model..”
“N.E Understand..I ..I have always dreamt of it..Of a model in me..We will get married but after some years.”
“Sim..No..U cnt become a model..No..Please Sim..Listen to me.”
“Neev..U listen to me..OI have dreamt of this since childhood..I cnt leave it for marriage..”
“ Its not about marriage Simrita..Its about me..Am I not that important..??”
“neev..Think before u speak..U are important but my career too..How would u feel if I told u not to fulfill your father’s dream to become an engineer..Tell me..??”
“ Sim Sim Sim..U have to listen to me..U need to stay back..Do Bba course..Dont become a model..its a bad choice..”
“its not..! Models have succeeded..Why do I have to listen to u..I am not ur maid or servant.”
“ Its not like that Simrita. Please listen to me..U wont become a model or else..”
“ What ..? Or else what..??”
“ Or else ill breakup..”
“What..Neev..U know what..U dontneed to do that..”
“Thanks Sim..I really love you a---“
“ u don’t need to do that because..I breakup with you..”
“Sim..”
“U don’t respect me or my career..I cantspend my life with such a person..A person who dominates girls..Well.. we are also strong ..and I am strong enough to live without you.”
“No..Please SIm..U can become a model anything u want just don’t leave me..”
“Aa gaye na line pe..But no..I wont..that was ur real face Neev. And I cant live with it. M sorry.”
“No Sweetheart..That wasn’t..I have a reason for that..”
“Ya ya..Make up a story fast..Continue love continue..”
“its not a story..”
“Neev..Goodbye yaar.”
And I walked away.
Love had changed everything..Just everything.
i was lonely and sad so I went to the bar and had a small shot then I visited Ritzy..Sush was also there. I sat on the bean bag and we got talking. The mood was light , filled with enlightment .
“Sim yaar. How busy do u get with N.E. Hamare liye time hi ni hai..!!”
“No guys..Its not like that yaar.”“Oh yes it is. Tell us..since the past few months , how many times have u talked to us or the rest of the gang.”
“Baat karne ke liye gang toh ho..!! The viagra in me was speaking and I could do nothing but watch.
“What are u saying yaar..??”
“The truth my friends..”
“Yeh kaisa truth hai tera..Justify Please Ma’am”
“Okay okay friends..Listen..
Gang mein , everyone talks to everyone. There is friendship all over . right..?? raise ur hands I I am right.”
They both raised there hands and I continued to speak my heart out. “ good..so everyone agrees.
Now in our gang , Me , U , sush, navy ,any and N.e..We all fell in love. So 25 % of our group was finished.
Then..Ritzy and Any broke up..!! U stopped talking to each other. 25 % again finished..
Then U and Navy broke up..Ualso stopped talking to each other..!! another 25 % finished..
Then u found out that it was Any’s fault so u and Navy stopped talking to Any. Another 25 % finished and then..
Me and N.E broke up..And another 25 % Finished. So only 25 % of us is left , and I don’t think its for long.”I finished. No one spoke , not even a whisper. The mood was tensed I sensedand slowly the Viagra wore outM sorry guys..I-I—I had some Viagra so that just.Sim..u didn’t tell us that u had a breakup.Viagra..!! sim that’s what u think of us..all o us.
Cool Sush.Shez had a breakup man. M sorry Sush. M really sorry.
I said as I burst into tears.
U have just no right to call me Sush now Simrita. I didn’t know u thought like this ..such cheap thinking. Stop it Sush. She needs friends right now. Don’t shout at her.Oh so I get it. All this breakup , u wanted that , both of u..
Rehan..U liked Simrita..u elt something for simrita when Anya was ignoring u.
So u proposed her and..Oh oh oh..U both were together but it took Simrita time to find an explanation to break up with Neev and..Guys..U both are so --Sush,,Think beore u sspeak,,I told u how much I loved Anya. Ritesh also stood up and glared at Sushant who moved out banging his fist on Ritesh’s computer table.
I was fed up of fights , I gave ritesh a questioning look which he ignored. I took my bag and walked out of his house.
Oyr group was almost finished , it was like bullets were fired between us. I took out my Ipod from my bag and earplugs and plugged them into my ears in the lonely night.
“I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone “
The song slowly finished and another song started..
“Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I”It was strange how the songs fitted into situation. I closed my eyes and tears rolled down my eyes. Our gang was almost over.
Ritzy was talking only to Navy , Neev and maybe me.
Any was talking to only Me and Neev.
Sush was talking only to Neev..
Navy was talking only to Ritzy, Me and Neev.
I was talking only to Navy , Any and maybe Ritzy.
And Neev was talking to everyone excptme.
I reached my home and as I lay inmy bed I thought.. What if I can fix it..I had to try..I loved all of them so much..To hell with love , friendship was all we needed. Our group needed the essence of friendship and I was going to bring it.
I shuffled the whole night into my bed. Being friends was alright but..Neev..I wanted to love him again..Could I do that while I made every one friends..?? this whole night. But I would give my best for our gang.
Chapter 5
I had to think of a plan before I acted. I sat on my bed since the past 2 hours concentrating hard for a plan.
I visited Any first , “Whose there..??”
“Hi Any .. Its me Sim..”
She opened the door.
“Hi Simrita..Please call me Anya..Any and Sim don’t exist anymore.”
She was missing the group too , I h ad to strike the iron while it was hot.
“Any..Ur missing the gang na..??
“Yes Sim” She said as she burst into tears.
“Hey Baby , Don’t cry yaar..We’ll do something na..”
“We cant..Sush and Navy will never talk to me..And Ritzy..”
“ Ritzy will talk to you..He loves u Any..And Sush and Navy too..”
“They will..??”
I could see some hope rising on her.
“ Yes..But we’ll start from those who are talking to u..Why not go to Neev and talk to him..??”
“U can do that..He’s your Boyfriend na..Lets go..Please Use mana lo..”
“I cant Any..Neev and Me aren’t together anymore.”
“What..I – I—I – Sim..I ..”
She just patted my shoulder and hugged me tight.
I looked down , afrid tht my tears would show. and after five minutes I was able to control them.
“ Chill Sim..Lets go..”
We got up with two shiny smiles on our faces as we walked out of the door.
I once again walked the lonely rod , this time the opposite direction , Life hd turned upside for me.
Anyknocked Neev’s door twice.
He cameout in sleepiness , he looked the best when he wassleepy , I loved to call himin mornings when he had just wokenup nd her his sleepy voice.
“Hi N.E..Can we come in..??”
She asked looking the other wy as Neev was in his vest , I laughed and pouted a little like I used..
Neev smiled and let usin and hurried bck to wear t shirt.
He wore a nice redt-shirt and came nd sat down. He gave me “I miss u” look and continued with Any.
We sat in silence . There ws nothing to say ,Me and any had come without any plans.
“N.E..Its been so many days na since I have met u..Sincce any of our gang has met each other.” Any askedencouragely but Neeb’s smile fell.
“Anya..U know we don’t have a groupor gang anymore after everything that happened between us .” He shot me a glance and continued. “ All of us.”
Anya looked down , I could sense she was full of tears , She rised her face ,as I guessed , it was illed withters.
“ N.E please..Please do this for us..For yourself , we all miss the group.. u know that too..Please N.E”
“Oye Any..Stop yaar..Ur always like this, crying ..Come here na..”
And as Any went by he hugged her like the old days.
I smiled and looked round Neev’s house. The house that till yesterday was mine. He hdmade no chnge except tht he had planted photo frame on the coffee table. It was of the six of us when we went to play Frisbee. Oh how fun it was, no pressure , no tears. How Glmourous I was , How smart Any , How bold Neev ws nd how goofy were Sush nd Ritzy at the game , and oh Navy she plyed the best.
I looked around s Neev and ny were seeing the same scene. I went and hugged Any nd Neev joined in..Yes I hd done it..two members were back.
--------------------------------------------------------
“Guys ! “ I shouted on the top of my voice.
I had brought the gang together but these people..they would never listen. Sushant , he was indirectly insulting Any.
Ritzy in protecting Any was blaming Sushant. Navy was talking to Neev , about my cheap behaviour. Neev was the most cooperative. He knew how much I wanted this and was trying his best to settle everything but it just wont.
“Guys ! “ I shouted again. Every head turned towards me. “ I wanted our gang back not this ,Sush ,Ritzy what do u both think . indirect insult is not included in rivalry. It is.I mean no matter how hard ill try..U guys wont ever ever solve ur grudges wo why the heck do I mind trying.” I didn’t know whether this was right or wrong so I looked at neev and i saw Navya nudging him and pointing her eyes towards me while shaking her head. i could have slapped her there and then.
I felt disgusted , my friends , the best friendscouldoneday become this , it feltimpsible but it had cometruetoday ,I just shook my head and walked away.
